Blarg!

My internet recently has been especially spastic, so my online time has been relegated to necessaries (email, the blog my college friends share, wedding stuff), but I’ve been missing blogging, so now that it seems to be stable for the moment, I thought I’d write something. Sooo…

Southside has been hopping, and finding time to get everything done in my life is a chore. Part of the problem is that I’ve never learned the art of only committing to things I can feasibly be a part of. So, I try and give a little time here (the Obama office), a little there (spending time with my family/friends), and never have enough time (or maybe more appropriately, energy) to go around. I find that extremely frustrating. I want to be able to do it all. Some people seem to have discovered the art, a particular flute playing friend in Seattle for example. But it’s not in the cards for me yet.

I did get to play with some of my new Pampered Chef toys the other day. I made mini-pecan tarts that I actually didn’t see I was supposed to put butter in the filling, but they were amazing anyway. And little lemon flavored spritz cookies that are cool shapes because of the new cookie press I got. I’m not sure it was worth getting, but it makes me happy any. And my garden is starting to take shape. I hope none of my plants were seriously injured because I left them out Monday night (not last night when it got down to freezing thank goodness). So far they seem to be fine. I’m starting to fear that the patio is going to feel too crowded with everything I’m planting. Oh, well, I can always downsize later if I need to. So far I have basil, lavender, cornflowers, rosemary, pansies, violets, and hyacinth. I planted some morning glories and want to plant some poppies, forget-me-nots, and bachelor buttons (which I actually think are the same thing as cornflower?? but might turn out to be a different color than the ones I started inside)

My wedding to do list is a mile long with little stupid things to get done. My other to do list is shorter, but more important.

ok, off to bed.

OH! quick rant. Since when can an apartment complex’s office close 4 hours early on rent day??? I’m going to be seriously pissed if they charge me the $75 late fee when I take my check in at the crack of dawn 8:00 tomorrow morning.

Flowers on a Sunday

I went to church today!  I’ve had a hard time since moving back finding the motivation to go to church on Sunday mornings, but I’ve really wanted to.  So here’s a start.  And now that I’m the administrative assistant I have even more motivation.  I think it’ll also help that we started an elective series today and the one I joined is talking about alcohol use.  My church (or at least a group of about 30 of us) are talking openly about the use of alcohol!  That’s really cool to me.

After church, I leisurely cleaned up around the house, made lunch, made strawberry lemonade, did the dishes, and lazed around in the hammock reading “The Prophet” while I waited for Phoebe to come over and talk about flowers.  They’re going to be beautiful.  Phoebe is so amazing, and alot of the flowers are going to come from her parent’s organic farm!  Then I worked on the guest book some more, grabbed a sandwich from Blimpee’s, talked to the pampered chef rep about finalizing my order, and talked to my fiance’ whom I haven’t seen all weekend.  That trend (save for an hour here and there so I can provide him with food will probably continue until his projects are due on Wednesday.  Now I’m off to my parents for embroidery floss.

April showers

Today Mike’s aunt, sister, and mom threw me a pampered chef bridal shower. It was lovely. Than I worked on the guest book before working at Southside. This is going to be a very short post because I’m exhausted. I just have to say though, the more I look through the PC catalog, the more those “un-nessesary” kitchen item seem like they’d really make life easier/more fun. Here’s to a well stocked kitchen!

humph

Well, I was derailed in my conviction to write more by realizing on Wednesday that neither my Monday or Tuesday posts had published.  I blame faulty internet connections.  Anywho, it kind of deflated my blogging spirit.  But I’m back now and with some fun news.

Say hello to the new part time receptionist for AMC :)  9 or 10 hours a week at $12/hr. and working mostly when I want too.  Not bad, not bad at all.

Also, I just finished my syntax class.  Now I just need to pound out the art lessons and I’ll officially graduate from college.

Wedding, stress, wedding, work, wedding, class, wedding, housework…  repeat as needed.

peanut butter and nutella cookies (cough, cough, Abby)

3/4 cup butter, softened
3/4 cup sugar
1 cup brown sugar
3/4 cup peanut butter
1/2 cup nutella
2 eggs, beaten
1 tsp. vanilla
2 cups flour
1 1/2 tsp. baking soda
3/4 tsp. salt

Combine flour, baking soda and salt in medium bowl.  Set aside.

beat eggs in small bowl and add vanilla. Set aside.

In mixer, cream butter than add sugars.  Blend.  Add peanut butter, nutella, and egg mixture.  Blend.  Gradually add flour mixture until throughly mixed.  Chill for 30 minutes.  portion them onto baking trays as you would regular peanut butter cookies.  Bake for 17-20 minutes at 350, or if you have a completely fritzy oven than take the slightly burnt batch out after 13 minutes because your oven went up to 400 when you had it set to 250.  Grrr….

Mikey wanted to make cookies with me tonight :)  So adorable.

Wedding planning is becoming more stressful which makes me sad because I want this to be a joyful experience, not one that stresses me out.  But I think my class is actually the thing really stressing me out.  I have a test tomorrow that I wouldn’t feel ready for no matter how much I studied.

A day in the life

I slept in today, even though I told myself I wouldn’t.  Typical.

But then I got a fair amount done.  Not as much as I would have liked, especially given the fact that I got roped into working the lunch shift tomorrow, but it still felt good to get some things taken care of.  I repotted almost all of my plants into bigger pots so they’d have more room to grow.  I did some grocery shopping.  I visited with my sister’s cats since she and her family is in Hawaii for spring break.  I finally went through the vases from my other sister’s wedding to see what I could use for mine, although I didn’t bring them down from the attic yet.  I didn’t want to attempt it alone in case I dropped a whole box and shattered them all.  Straightened up around the house.  Had dinner with Mike.  Made some phone calls, particularly an important one about a recent wedding dilemma.  Went to small group, and I just got off the phone with Meryl.  The sun made me happy.  I should have been in bed 15 minutes ago, but maybe I’ll sneak in an episode of Medium since I’m already past my bedtime

I thought this was interesting:

http://fracas.wordpress.com/2008/04/08/craniofacial-duplication-east-vs-west/

A goal

I always have lots of goals:  drink more water, spend less money, exercise more…

however I rarely actually set myself quantifiable goals.  I inevitably fail them when I do, and the guilt and let down of failing inhibits me from trying to continue.  I do better at achieving my goals if I just keep them as vague desires in the back of my head.  More of a “I’ll try and do this more”

I’m making an exception though, and that’s this blog.  I’m guessing many had given up on my posting on a regular basis long ago. I truly do miss the experience of expressing myself in this fashion.  I can’t put my finger on what exactly has been inhibiting me.  Yes, I’m busy, and often lack energy, but that’s not the only thing.  I think I’m a bit daunted by all the posts that I haven’t written.  All the things that I’ve thought “I should post about this” and never did.  So here goes.  I’m going to write something everyday that I have access to the internet for the next 2 weeks.  Maybe that’ll clear the air enough that I can start using this as a medium of self expression and a way for friends to keep up with me again.  I think it’s especially important now that I’m not living with the Evanston girls.  Not only will this allow them to still know my day to days which is so important to keeping up friendships, but I’m finding I don’t have as many outlets for my thoughts.  I share with Mike, but it’s different.  And there’s only one Mike.  I used to have 3 very close confidants at my fingertips.

Water for Elephants has been my undoing

Two nights ago I stayed up past 4 reading.

Last night? 5:30.

Ug.  Bad, bad Stephanie.

Like Abby said

I should post more.  Blog that get neglected are sad.  Poor, poor blog.  There there, it’s alright I still love you.  I just…. haven’t been myself lately.

So, I did not get the admission job.  I’m very interested to see who they pick.  Reasons it is good I didn’t get the job:

Now I can be in Urinetown if I’m cast
I won’t have to travel my first year of marriage
I can take the whole week before and after my wedding off!
It would have been a fairly high stress job, now I can find one that hopefully is less stressful

I’ve spent the last few days moving into the new apartment.  I miss my girls alot.  It’s so weird not seeing them.

Last night I went down to my cousin’s house and went over the edits I made on her husband’s manuscript with him and had dinner with both.  I helped edit a book that’ll be published soon!  I’ve been trying to make a conscious effort to get out of the apartment and see people every day.  Yesterday I turned in a resume, picked up an app to be a server for the restaurant that’s opening at the co-op in a month or so, and picked up a sub certificate application.  I also sent in my resume/application to 3 other jobs recently.  I check all the job sources that I can think of every day, so I can’t think of anything else that I could be doing to find a job at this point.  I think at this point I’m thinking that I’ll sub and waitress until the wedding and then look harder again.  Unless one of my other leads comes through.

My apartment is becoming beautiful! :)  Can’t wait for Mike to come home and see it.  He’s in Colorado on spring break.  Oh, and for the first time I have a close friend who’s pregnant.  Very exciting!

[break for visit from Miriam. yay!]

Now I’m off to see my niece in her track meet.

I did it!

Another art lesson done.

This frickin’ class that’s been eating at me for almost 2 years now is just one sliver smaller.  And I wrote an entry paragraph for the next lesson.

That’s right, 2 years.  I’ve wasted emotional turmoil and a whole lot of money because I couldn’t just buckle down and complete the stupid thing. Silly right!

I don’t know what is was exactly about my last semester of college, but it ruined me academically.  Sure, I’m making excuses for myself, but this class hasn’t been hanging over my head for so long simply because I can be lazy and unmotivated, although those are certainly factors.  I piled too much on my plate that semester and when I couldn’t cope, my grades suffered the most.  My professors extended a whole lot of grace to me then, and I can’t thank them enough.  But the fact remains, when I think about writing a paper or reading a text book my blood pressure goes up, I get anxious and I feel awful about myself.  Somehow studying has become wrapped up in all the emotions I felt that semester:  fear, rejection, shame, weakness, and self-loathing.  I’ve gotten away from those feelings, but not in this area.  I guess there are still beasts to be slain.